Post 16.

Right now, I'm wishing for a meteor shower. I saw a falling star on the drive home and now I want them all. I hear there's one coming in a few days, but I don't think I can wait that long.
I'm also wishing for a miracle. Maybe for a definite solution. An easy way in or out. I know in my heart what is essentially true and what can only be assumed. I hurt my own feelings through self-analysis. At least I'm not delusional.
I would love a sign, maybe an honest opinion of where I am right now in all of this. I feel as though I've got my head on right and all of my priorities in their proper place. This doesn't mean that I can imagine things to be better so that they will be. I've always been a strong believer in never having to beg for anything.
So maybe that's where I went wrong.

Post 15.

Well, I know where we're at. So where do I go from here?

Post 14.

Lately I've been childish. I seem to mirror traits of the kids who wander around the toy store. The ones who flip from calm to hellish in a matter of seconds. The ones who can't seem to make up their mind over this and that. It has gotten a little out of hand. And I always insist I will drop those habits, but nothing of it yet.
I've also come to the conclusion that feeling sorry for oneself will lead to others feeling sorry for you in turn, and that is the last thing I will ever want from anyone. Instead of moping, I've been productive on my least favorite of days. I would rather speak to a wall than speak into a microphone. And I guess that's what human beings are in the end. I can't remember how many times I've been told "please, don't tell anyone" and I've immediately turned to tell the person I feel closest to at the time. Confidentiality contracts are never included in any relationships, but I'm starting to wonder if this should be a requirement.
One of my latest predicaments is one that has only come to my attention recently. I've never been very outspoken, nor do I ever plan on being so. But I've always prided myself on maintaining control over my nerves. Middle school speeches felt like they were going to ruin the rest of my life because of how awkward they could be. The dancing in front of the classroom, the "um"s, the "like"s. I thought all of that was over. And instead of that usual ritual I remember so well, lately I've lit up to the brightest red when triggered. I don't remember that sensation--the heat rushing to my face, that aura extending from my body in the worst way possible. I can feel it even now.

Post 13.

I like us. I don't think that says nearly enough. But it's true.

Post 12.

Settled, three stories above the ground, overseeing the neighborhood children as they fight over toys in clean yards. And we see your messy one too. We can breathe now, sometimes a little too hard in the others face, but I know we would do that anyway. This feels very much like home. And the view from here seems to only get better.

Post 11.

Josh took this picture on Easter right after I had taught Nay how to do somersaults. As silly as it sounds, it was an incredibly proud moment. I'm excited to be going home soon. I've got wonderful things back there.

Post 10.

This weekend was exactly what we needed. It's so right, and you're so right, and we're so right. I can't believe where we're headed and for the first time, saying something like that really pleases me. So long as there is a spark, a twinkle, a glimmer...I know we're just fine.